Connect with us

#ForgiveOrForget: Do You Stay When He Cheats?

“Hell to the no!”

“It depends on the situation…”

“I would stay the first time but anything after that and I’m done.”

We have all seen the social media sensation #HurtBae, with the guy confessing to his ex-girlfriend that he cheated on her countless times during their relationship for no apparent reason. Many women can relate to #HurtBae so it’s no secret that men cheat.

The question at hand is do we forgive or forget when he steps out? It’s easier to Monday night quarterback after the fact but what would you do if you found yourself in that situation?

Forgive Him! There are very few reasons to stay with a cheating man unless you have invested more in him than you are willing to throw away. Marriage will have you reconsidering things that you promised your younger self you would never put up with. It is much harder to break apart your family (especially with children) over a poor judgment call than it is to dump your loser #MCM. You can forgive him but don’t fail to remind him of what will happen the next time he forgets his vows. And don’t let him back in so easy, make him crawl back with his tail between his legs like the bad dog he has been.

Forget It! If he cheats and the relationship hasn’t made it through an entire calendar year, that may be a sign that you should let it go sis. Short term commitment is the prerequisite for longevity and clearly he is unprepared and not ready, NEXT! If he is a repeat offender and makes you cry more than he makes you smile, send him packing because he is playing games and doesn’t value you.  Even if you have been dating for three years and he slips up, you still may let it go because you don’t play those games and he has the wrong one. The ultimate deal breaker is when he cheats and has the other woman playing on your phone or coming to your workplace. Save the drama and move on.

Eh, It Depends… Depends on what? How long have you been together? Are you married or single? All of these things matter when you find yourself in the grey area of fighting for or letting go of your relationship. Some ladies may even question the motives of the individual he cheated with and blame them; other ladies blame themselves.  Was it physical, emotional, or both? If he hit it and quit it, staying doesn’t seem so bad but if they are sending “I miss you” texts then that’s a different story. The totality of circumstances is important when you are on the fence about your current task at hand.

Note: At the end of the day, be comfortable and confident in whatever choice you make sis, I am here for you.

Click to comment

3 Ways Singles Can Celebrate Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day!! Proposals are happening everywhere, bouquets of pink and red roses are clouding your co-workers’ desk, and it seem’s like Cupid’s arrow has struck everyone but you. Just because you don’t have boo or bae, doesn’t mean you have to sit out on the fun today. You love yourself, right?!? Then use today to celebrate it! Here are three ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day as a single person.

 

Girls: Galentine’s Day Anyone?

There are SO many ways for single ladies to celebrate today:

1. Grab your girls, a bottle of wine and have a movie marathon.
2. Do an in-house cooking class with a last minute deal from Groupon.
3. Turn on YouTube and have a full blown karaoke session.
4.Dress up and celebrate life at a comedy show or a really nice restaurant in the heart of the city.

Nonetheless, a day with your girls is always guaranteed to be a good time; celebrating friendship with ladies who support you is just as important as celebrating romantic relationships.

 

Guys: Bar-Hop in The City

You may have missed the Wizard’s incredible win (120-98) over Oklahoma City Thunder (#dcrising) to kick off your Singles Awareness Day festivities but in the meantime, you can definitely enjoy the hype. Many bars throughout the city including Bar Rouge, Cotton & Reed, and Service Bar are all having great drink deals for anyone embracing the single life.

 

Anyone: Reconnect With Or Start a Hobby

Remember that sketch book you bought a few months back? That instrument you played in college and haven’t touched in the last few years? Well, let today be the day that you devote some time to an old hobby and rekindle your love for it. If life has kept you so busy that you don’t even have a hobby to reconnect with, use this day to start a new one. Self-love is the best love and it is important to have something that just alleviates the stressors of life.

 

Bonus:

Whatever the hell you want!

Listen, no one knows what the future may bring; cease the opportunity today to treat yourself however you see fit and enjoy the journey of singleness as there is truly nothing like it. (Plus you never know, you might be on cupid’s radar for next year.)

Xoxo

Britt Bunn

Click to comment

5 Gifts Your Boyfriend Will Appreciate for Valentine’s Day

So, Valentine’s Day is here and you still haven’t figured out the perfect gift to get your man, but don’t worry– we’ve got you covered. Here is a quick list to help you put together a quick yet meaningful gift!

 

1. Couples Massage

Generally, women tend to pamper themselves more than men. As a result, it’s usually us who get massages. So why not bring your man along? He’ll appreciate it! There’s nothing like a good hour or two of peace and relaxation. Plus, he’ll get to do it with you by his side.

 

2. Mini Get-Away

You don’t have to book anything crazy, but check Groupon out to see what cool deals they have going on. Chances are, you’ll be able to find a nice place for the night for under $100. It’s always nice to get out, even if it’s somewhere local.

3. Go Hiking

Bonding with your partner should be fun, and what better way than to get out into nature and get a good workout in while you’re at it. Throw in a nice romantic lunch by packing a light blanket and some good ole home cooking.

 4. Go to an Event

Check the DC Nights App (available in iTunes and Google Play) or your local listings to see what events are going on. You might be able to book tickets to a nice concert. Then you and your bae can get all dressed up and fabulous for the night! (You’ll also be able to get a few nice flicks in for the gram).

 

 

5. Traditional Movie and Dinner

Call it old school, but who doesn’t like delicious food topped off with a good movie? Make reservations to a cool new place you two haven’t been to before, (but make sure they offer food that your partner likes). Then check what movies are out and book the tickets in advance. Your man will be shocked to see how great your planning skills are. After all, men aren’t the only ones who can be charming.

One of these suggestions will be sure to please your significant other. It will be a memorable day that you two will never forget! Have fun planning, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

Click to comment

The Love Jones Cafe: A Welcomed Departure From Typical DC Nightlife

The Love Jones Cafe returned and if you weren’t in the building, then you missed out on a special evening. Presented by DCWKLY and the DCNIGHTS App, held at the swanky SAX Lounge, the Love Jones Cafe was a sophisticated soirée and a welcome departure from the typical nightlife scene here in DC.

The night began with El Lambert and The Band crooning guest with a variety of throwback and current R&B jams while guests were also treated to complimentary DeLeón Tequila and MtnDew Black Label cocktails and excellent service and bites by the SAX crew. Elegantly lit, the vibe in the house was palpable. Once the panel discussion began, let’s just say no topic was off limits.

Moderated and hosted by “The Massive Host” King Flexxa, the panel comprised of author and activist Tony Lewis, Jr, relationship blogger Diamond Mitchell, and the Duncan’s, Alfred and Sherrell, who were famously engaged and married all within 24 hours (Forever Duncan). Their insight was particularly insightful, engaging, and at times, hilarious. From the idea that reality TV has set unrealistic expectations for relationships to the “Netflix and chill”/”Hulu and Do You” generation, each panelist was able to provide personal stories as a backdrop for each topic discussed. And just like the movie, poet and spoken word artist Mr. Poetic Rock Star treated the crowd to his brand of word play.

I even gained some valuable information on love and relationships that I hadn’t even considered before. The predominantly female crowd laughed, cheered and at times added their own input for a lively and unforgettable evening. Fellas, you need to make sure you are in the building for the next Love Jones Cafe: not only was an ample amount of knowledge dropped, you could not deny the ladies showed out and filled the room with their beauty and radiance.

 

I leave you with some gems from the evening. Be sure to keep a look out for the next installment of the Love Jones Cafe, February 28th. Be there.

On trust:

We should grow together, but you shouldn’t want your spouse to change your whole vibe for you –Tony Lewis, Jr.

There are certain thing you are not going to do if your intentions are pure. –Diamond Mitchell

If I tell you and you don’t do it, then we have issues.– Alfred Duncan

On Social Media:

I was in a relationship with my husband before we were in a relationship, so when he posted that picture I knew we were in a relationship.– Sherrell Duncan

It serves as validation because we are going public. — Diamond Mitchell

On moving on from past relationships:

In relationships and in life we are the sum of our experiences. You’ve got to learn from what you’ve been through.–Tony Lewis, Jr.

The hardest thing to do is self reflect and to own up to the thing that you did in the relationship.–Sherrell Duncan

Medicate each other with love.– Alfred Duncan

If you don’t feel confident in your decision making, you won’t feel confident in the one you picked.–Diamond Mitchell

On falling in love with potential:

If we are not speaking to the potential (of the other person) then we are really doing a disservice.–Tony Lewis, Jr.

Potential expires very quickly. — Diamond Mitchell

He’s pouring into me and I’m pouring into him.– Sherrell Duncan

Check out the rest of the pictures from 1.24.17 edition of The Love Jones Cafe here!

Click to comment

How To: Be Single (Because it Doesn’t Have to Suck)

Disclaimer: If you’re not interested in a serious relationship, this article isn’t for you.

Now that I have your attention, let me begin by saying, I don’t believe that being single is the worst thing in the world. In fact, it can be great depending on your stage in life. Second, as you read this please do not judge me.

Not too long ago I was the “bitter friend” that men warn their girl about. I wasn’t the bitter friend to the extent portrayed in black film, but a more subtle version. You know, the one who’s been hurt one too many times, so in an effort to prevent her friend from experiencing that same disappointment makes it her duty to point out when her girl’s man “ain’t no good” and it’s time to just “leave that boy alone”. I’m sorry guys, but every woman needs a bitter friend…it helps give a different perspective (i.e. creates balance). Thankfully I’ve grown. I’m no longer the bitter one. In fact, going into this New Year I’m actually excited to be single – or at the most, I’m content.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Step 1: Embrace Being Single

Different seasons are meant to bring different lessons and help us grow in some way. Going through a “season of singleness” is a great time to really focus on your goals, reflect on what you want in life and in a partner, and strengthen the relationships you already have.

Being single is not a death sentence or a punishment; once you get that through your head, it won’t suck as much.

Step 2: Just Say No to the “No Goods”

2016, relationship-wise, was a bust for me.  Why? Because I attract “no-goods”. Those who have no empathy for people’s time and/or don’t want commitment, and/or want a side chick, and/or want a regular booty call, and/or got me all the way [insert four letter word rhyming with ducked] up. I can keep going, but for the sake of this post I’ll leave there. Now, a “no good” are those who are simply just that…no good. No good for a serious relationship because they “aren’t looking for that right now,” no good because they “don’t believe in titles,” etc. We’ve all experienced a “no good”. Getting back on track, 2016 brought an overwhelming amount of “no goods” into my personal space. So many, that going into 2017 I’ve made a personal promise to myself that I’d rather be single and happy than deal with a “no good” and be confused/frustrated/disappointed.

It’s not hard to identify a “no good.” They will tell you and give you signs in a very short amount of time. These signs are called “red flags” and you need to listen to them because as previously mentioned “no goods” are simply that…no good.

Step 2.5: Date With Purpose

We live in a time where people don’t date with purpose anymore. They date to date. If you want a serious relationship, you need to approach dating like you would approach a job opportunity. When you are looking for a new job, you search through available options, click the one that interests you, read through the requirements and expectations to see if it’s a good fit, apply, followed by the interview process. You see how this relates to dating? If not, let me break it down. When you find someone you are interested in, you feel them out, see if they’re a good fit, and then you apply for that “wifey/zaddy” position. Stop just dating someone because it’s “cuffing season” or (ladies) because you’re hungry. Stop it. It’s a waste of your precious time that you could be using elsewhere.

Step 3: Write Down Your Goals & Execute

What are your hobbies or things you’d like to accomplish in this next year? Instead of “finding someone”, why not explore your gift(s) and get some stuff done? You can’t force the universe to deliver your perfect mate to your front door. Stop obsessing over finding your soul mate and find yourself. Tap into your talents and use them to help better the world and those around you.

Step 4: Pray for Contentment

Pray to your higher power for contentment during your season of singleness. When you start getting anxious for affection, you’ll see yourself contemplating reaching out to “no goods” and old flings. Stay away from the “no goods” at all cost, they just aren’t worth it. Plus, they’re annoying.

When you experience moments of frustration from being by yourself, use that time to remember that there is someone out there for everyone and your person will come when the time is right.

 

Step 5: Stop Obsessing and Let the Universe do its Thing

As I said before, there is someone out there for everyone; stop worrying yourself. If you are single, take it as a blessing and opportunity to get yourself in order for when that person does come along, and you both flourish together.

Relax, do you, and let the universe do the work.

Click to comment

Keeping Casual Sex, Casual

There are times in our lives when we don’t want the responsibility and dedication of a relationship, but still have the desire to be sexual. What’s usually the solution to that problem? Casual sex. Known in some social circles as a f*ck buddy. While having casual sex may not be the most traditional form of intimacy, there are still guidelines on keeping it casual; business casual if you will.

Commitment? Nope. There will be none of that when you lay down with each other. Be sure to get up quickly once it’s all said and done. You and your buddy should have an understanding of how things will go before the whip cream comes out.  Schedule your appointments in advance if it works better for the two of you. (Ex: Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday at 7pm). Oh, and never feel obligated to be available since they are there to serve one purpose only.

Practice. Practice makes perfect. Use the experiences with your buddy to develop your skills for the person you may end up with in the future. Let loose and figure out positions you like most, as well as try the things you won’t do with just anyone. Might as well get all you can out of the deal, right? Correct.

No Emotions Allowed. Check your emotions at the door. Yes, sex can lead to unwarranted emotions but that’s if you allow it. Don’t lay up and gaze into each other’s eyes after the deed is done. Don’t cuddle and give neck kisses, and no nightcaps! Ever. Think of it as a shopping spree; you go in, splurge a little, and leave with a smile and a full bag (or empty bag lol). Leave the pet names like babe and pooh bear at home. You have to be able to cut all ties if you ever decide to become serious with someone else down the road. Keep these key things in mind the next time your buddy sends the “when imma see you?” text.

Click to comment

Single Bells: Why Being Uncoupled During the Holidays Is So Lit

Ah yes, another holiday season is upon us. The city is draped in lights, families are coming together, differences are being put aside; the times of warm feelings of love and good cheer we get to experience once more. For years, the holidays have catered to couples – all snuggled up, having their love to keep them warm and all that jazz. Being bae-less was considered taboo and assumed that those who didn’t have that special someone was somewhere in their house pigging out on ice cream listening to “What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas”, crying silent tears. Well WRONG! This year is the year of the single one. The year of flourishing in your freedom, the time where you can feel good about not having to check in with anyone or ask permission to do anything you feel like. But the coolest thing about being single on the holidays is that those warm feelings I was talking about earlier – you get to experience them with anyone of your choosing. All this holiday love you have inside to share doesn’t have to be limited to just one. This and the others that I’ll give are why being single during the holidays is so clutch.

Not Having to Worry About Buying a Present

Flourishing in your freedom also includes on the financial side of things. Yes, you don’t have to pine about getting the perfect gift for your lady or gent. That scrilla can stay right in your pocket for more important things like finding the perfect ugly sweater for that party next week or, you know, that common thing of getting gifts for your family.

The Possibilities of Holiday Hook-Ups are Endless

There’s no better time to spread all that “cheer” than during the holidays. If being single wasn’t cool for the holidays, then we wouldn’t have such timeless songs as “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and “Let It Snow” (SN: You can’t tell me “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” isn’t the best holiday hookup song or hookup song period) or traditions like kissing underneath the mistletoe or as soon as the clock strikes 12 on New Year’s Eve. Sure, you can have the same experience being booed up, but there is something about being single that can make it more memorable.

Solitude Is Golden

At your holiday event, whenever you’re ready to go, you can just go. You don’t have wait for your significant other to be done with a conversation with that friend, you really don’t care for, that’s gone two hours too long. Or for that holiday party that’s so dead, it’s RIP, you can bid your adieu with the quickness.

On a serious note though, another cool thing about alone time, and one that I’ve appreciated, is that you can work on building a better you. You can reflect on the year that is coming to an end – your triumphs, your failures, accomplishments, setbacks, friends you’ve gained, friends you’ve lost, things that you did great, things that you can do better and get that all together so that 2017 can be an awesome year for you; Lord knows 2016 was a doozy! As another Christmas song goes, “Nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas”, but if you are, appreciate the time as it too shall pass and maybe the next holiday go round, you may find yourself on the “other side”. Cheers!

Click to comment

Forever Duncan: Why It Should be a “One For” and not a “One Up”

Johnny Goodguy
IG: @jbthegoodguy
Twitter: @TheSensibleJBG
FB: Johnny Brooks II

 

As many witnessed through the various forms of social media, a young man by the name of Alfred Duncan decided one rainy Saturday, October 1st to declare and demonstrate his love for a young woman named Sherrell Woodward. This demonstration of love would occur by way of a surprise proposal with all their family and friends to see, but he didn’t stop there. What he planned next was a surprise wedding on that same day with all the bells and whistles, family, friends, and fanfare. From beginning to end, this profession of unconditional love was cinematic; something out of your favorite romantic movie or a verse from your favorite love song. This amorous act stood as proof that black love, or love for that matter, still existed and one we could forever appreciate.

 

The very next day, the comments, statuses, and memes came. Some comments praised the moment and wished the beautiful couple well. Other comments contained a pinch of salt and complained of how acts like this now held men to an unfair standard when it came to displaying their affection. Women were talking about how they didn’t want a man that was do anything short of a “Forever Duncan”. Guys were blasting ladies for wanting a “Forever Duncan” man when she couldn’t even appreciate the man she had. Something that was supposed to be cherished started to get picked apart and interpreted in a million different ways. The newlyweds even felt the need to interrupt their honeymoon to address the madness that was popping up on social media. Even I started to feel a bit self-conscious about how my wedding was compared to theirs and my wedding was the bomb (ask Angie Dapper). I started thinking about how I could top the Duncans when my wife and I renewed our vows. My madness was only for a brief moment as I quickly realized how foolish my thoughts were. The drama surrounding one man’s act was unnecessary but it was the act of THAT man. To loosely quote Mrs. Duncan, her husband did what he felt was the best way to show her how much he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And yeah he straight up killed it and did his thing but so what?!! That doesn’t diminish my or any other man’s ability to do that for our significant others. Love is not a cookie cutter type of thing. It requires creativity, sincerity and, yes, a healthy competitive spirit to not become stagnant or lazy in your love language.

No one, especially a man, should see this as someone showing you up and no shade needs to be thrown in that brother, or couple’s, direction. Instead celebrate this showcase of black love and salute an idea that came to fruition, shined a positive light on our city, and declared, even in the midst of the negativity love always wins. So instead of seeing it as a show up, see it as motivation and STEP UP.

I'm so proud of my husband for EXECUTING his vision so effortlessly. To me it seemed effortless because he had EVERYTHING I would have dreamed of and more for me and I didn't have to worry about a thing. I keep looking at him as if I'm dreaming. I'm sooooo happy that he now knows that there are NO LIMITS to what he can do! His mental limitations of his potential is slowly but surely becoming nonexistent. I pray for his confidence of pursuing his dreams to become bigger everyday. I pray for him to be fearless and BOLD. This wedding showed how HARD God goes when you pray and fight! I'm so excited for my husband's evolution!!! LISTEN #GodIsSoBawse #WatchHowGodUseUS #ForeverDuncan #HappySundayFunday ?@keongreen

A photo posted by Mrs. Duncan Remember the "R" ? (@sherrellthetrainer) on

 

Click to comment

5 Fitness Dates

Boxing Urban Boxing DC is high intensity fitness that features different levels of exercises and styles.  The facility features boxing, Jiu-Jitsu, self-defense, Thai Boxing, wrestling, or high intensity cardio. Urban boxing will definitely get your blood and sweat flowing.

You can partner up with your date to use one boxing bag but watch out for her right hook! If that wasn’t enough to convince you, your first class is free!

Water Activities Kayaking ($22/hr avg)

It’s a nice day, the sun is shining, DC humidity is low, and the air is crisp. It’s the perfect  time for water activities like kayaking or paddle boating in the DMV. Locations vary from the Key Bridge, Thomas Jefferson Memorial, National Harbor, etc. Bring lunch, snacks, and drinks, and prepare to enjoy a nice time on the water, or dock on one of the islands.

Sport Rock Climbing Center (Day Rental $18 each)

Rock Climbing is a great fitness activity that is both competitive and fun. It uses various muscle groups for a great all-around workout. Tighten your safety harness and see who can be on top first. Be sure to check out Sport Rock in Alexandria!

Running

Nike Run Club (@nikerunning)

District Running Collective (@DistrictRunningCollective)

Nike Run Club and District Running Collective both offer a social means to run with others of your fitness level. This includes long distance running and running at various paces. Which one of you will run the faster pace on your date? Loser buys the drinks!

Biking

Bike and Roll (Cost varies)

Capital Bikeshare ($2 single trip)

Strap on your helmet and bike around the city with your date. This activity elevates your heart rate while embracing the scenic view of DC’s beautiful architecture and monuments.  Conveniently rent a bike from one of many Capital Bikeshare locations.  Bike and Roll DC offers various types of bikes to match your style. A tandem 2 seater bike can be rented for a romantic riding session to really see how in sync you both are.

Click to comment

Social Media Etiquette After a Breakup

Breakups are never easy. Whether it’s one sided or mutual, it’s never fun separating from your significant other. Sometimes things can end badly, leaving both people scarred and bitter towards each other.

Now, this is completely normal when going through the different breakup stages. However, when private matters are made public through social media, things can go from bad to worse quicker than Donald Trump’s toupee in a hurricane.

Keep reading to find out how to conduct yourself on social media after a breakup!

Avoid the Sad Quotes or the Typical “I’m Just Focused on Myself” Posts

SAD QUOTES WILL NOT MAKE YOUR EX COME BACK. Understand? They won’t. Quoting Adele across your social media will not change your situation. Not only that, it invites followers into your personal business and screams “We just broke up! I’m depressed!” As far as the “I’m just focused on myself” lane, this will automatically let us know that there is trouble in paradise. It’s all about timing with these types of posts.  Just last week you had so many pictures of you and bae, and today you want to let us know that you’re focused on yourself? Hmm. It doesn’t appear genuine, and it comes across as attention seeking. If you’re focused on yourself, just post a picture of you taking up a new hobby or traveling to a new destination. You shouldn’t talk about focusing on yourself, you should actually be doing it. Prove it.

Don’t Overdo the “I’m Having Sooooo Much Fun” Thing on Social Media

What I mean by this is, don’t continuously upload pictures of yourself drinking and partying if you weren’t doing it before. It honestly looks like a cry for attention…or help; which is even worse. For example, when Miley Cyrus split from her now fiancé, Liam Hemsworth, she was acting completely erratic. She dressed extremely vulgar, her performances were oversexualized, and she appeared to be a party girl, which was a huge jump from the Party in the USA Miley we were accustomed to. It wasn’t until she recently reunited with her fiancé that she finally calmed down and went back to the normal good girl she was before. I say all this to say, be yourself on your social media. Don’t try to appear as if you’re a party animal and don’t have a care in the world just because you want your ex to think you’re having the best time without them. Instead, post one or two pictures of you having fun but also post pictures being productive and making progressing in life. Another option, is also just taking a break from social media all together. That way you will look like you’re genuinely focusing on yourself and not even concerned about using social media for attention.

Do Not Put “Single” in Your Bio or under Any of Your Pictures

This is an absolute no! By letting everyone know you’re single, you’re making yourself way too available and that is never good. Every time I see someone use “single and back on the market” anywhere on their social media, I feel like they’re kind of auctioning themselves off. It’s kind of like you’re saying “heyyy!! I’m single who wants me?” That’s extremely desperate and that’s not what we’re trying to convey. There are other ways to appear single; perhaps deleting any pictures that you may have of you and your significant other on your social media. You could also be more responsive to any followers that have captured your interest that you would’ve ignored had you been in a relationship.

 

All in all, you never want to use your social media as a way to get a message to your ex. It should never be a battle of who can look they’re having the most fun. If you have something to say to your ex, just say it. That way everyone will not be in your business and things will be handled the adult way. Now, I’m not an expert on social media  etiquette, but I’m just speaking as someone that has had several conversations with people who share the same discomfort towards people that bring their personal relationship issues, break ups, etc. to social media.

If you are at peace with the breakup, then there’s no need to use social media to prove to your ex that you have moved on. Your social media content will naturally reflect that.

Click to comment
To Top