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How To: Be Single (Because it Doesn’t Have to Suck)

Dating + Relationships

How To: Be Single (Because it Doesn’t Have to Suck)

Disclaimer: If you’re not interested in a serious relationship, this article isn’t for you.

Now that I have your attention, let me begin by saying, I don’t believe that being single is the worst thing in the world. In fact, it can be great depending on your stage in life. Second, as you read this please do not judge me.

Not too long ago I was the “bitter friend” that men warn their girl about. I wasn’t the bitter friend to the extent portrayed in black film, but a more subtle version. You know, the one who’s been hurt one too many times, so in an effort to prevent her friend from experiencing that same disappointment makes it her duty to point out when her girl’s man “ain’t no good” and it’s time to just “leave that boy alone”. I’m sorry guys, but every woman needs a bitter friend…it helps give a different perspective (i.e. creates balance). Thankfully I’ve grown. I’m no longer the bitter one. In fact, going into this New Year I’m actually excited to be single – or at the most, I’m content.

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Step 1: Embrace Being Single

Different seasons are meant to bring different lessons and help us grow in some way. Going through a “season of singleness” is a great time to really focus on your goals, reflect on what you want in life and in a partner, and strengthen the relationships you already have.

Being single is not a death sentence or a punishment; once you get that through your head, it won’t suck as much.

Step 2: Just Say No to the “No Goods”

2016, relationship-wise, was a bust for me.  Why? Because I attract “no-goods”. Those who have no empathy for people’s time and/or don’t want commitment, and/or want a side chick, and/or want a regular booty call, and/or got me all the way [insert four letter word rhyming with ducked] up. I can keep going, but for the sake of this post I’ll leave there. Now, a “no good” are those who are simply just that…no good. No good for a serious relationship because they “aren’t looking for that right now,” no good because they “don’t believe in titles,” etc. We’ve all experienced a “no good”. Getting back on track, 2016 brought an overwhelming amount of “no goods” into my personal space. So many, that going into 2017 I’ve made a personal promise to myself that I’d rather be single and happy than deal with a “no good” and be confused/frustrated/disappointed.

It’s not hard to identify a “no good.” They will tell you and give you signs in a very short amount of time. These signs are called “red flags” and you need to listen to them because as previously mentioned “no goods” are simply that…no good.

Step 2.5: Date With Purpose

We live in a time where people don’t date with purpose anymore. They date to date. If you want a serious relationship, you need to approach dating like you would approach a job opportunity. When you are looking for a new job, you search through available options, click the one that interests you, read through the requirements and expectations to see if it’s a good fit, apply, followed by the interview process. You see how this relates to dating? If not, let me break it down. When you find someone you are interested in, you feel them out, see if they’re a good fit, and then you apply for that “wifey/zaddy” position. Stop just dating someone because it’s “cuffing season” or (ladies) because you’re hungry. Stop it. It’s a waste of your precious time that you could be using elsewhere.

Step 3: Write Down Your Goals & Execute

What are your hobbies or things you’d like to accomplish in this next year? Instead of “finding someone”, why not explore your gift(s) and get some stuff done? You can’t force the universe to deliver your perfect mate to your front door. Stop obsessing over finding your soul mate and find yourself. Tap into your talents and use them to help better the world and those around you.

Step 4: Pray for Contentment

Pray to your higher power for contentment during your season of singleness. When you start getting anxious for affection, you’ll see yourself contemplating reaching out to “no goods” and old flings. Stay away from the “no goods” at all cost, they just aren’t worth it. Plus, they’re annoying.

When you experience moments of frustration from being by yourself, use that time to remember that there is someone out there for everyone and your person will come when the time is right.

 

Step 5: Stop Obsessing and Let the Universe do its Thing

As I said before, there is someone out there for everyone; stop worrying yourself. If you are single, take it as a blessing and opportunity to get yourself in order for when that person does come along, and you both flourish together.

Relax, do you, and let the universe do the work.

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